Mini Life Update + What I’ve Learned in 2017

Long time, no blog and I’m not going to apologize for it. One thing I think we all forget is that social media and blogs show only what people want you to see. When no one is on social media, they have their own issues, concerns and may live differently than you may think. While I am a positive person 98% of the time, I’ve recently had a huge low in my life which made me put a hold on my blog and other big plans I had in my first few months post undergraduate.

So what did I do in the last few months? I recovered from this low by doing what I do best which is writing, but more specifically rediscovering my voice. I spent time with my friends and embraced some of the best moments I've had with them in a long time. Family bonding was really strong the last few months and it made me feel so much warmth and happiness. I spent time alone, been depressed and I've cried... a lot, but I appreciated that time because it truly healed my soul. With that being said, I’m back and ready to jump into the new year on a good note. 

2017 was one of the most accomplished and hardest year of my life. I finished my undergraduate career, launched my blog, turned 23, and more. Like mentioned previously, I also hit a really hard low which made the rest of the year sort of go a bit down hill for me. However, I’m so thankful for everything that has happened this year both good and bad. While I have many lessons I learned, here are some of my favorites.

Strength Will Show Itself

I knew I was strong enough to handle a lot of things, but being at such a low point this year made me realize that even when everything around me is going wrong, I’m going to be okay. Strength will present itself in the lowest of moments and make you feel confident again. 

Small Moments = Happiness

I’ve always been happy with the smaller things in life, but this year really made me appreciate the smallest moments even more. From conversations with friends to my family growing closer, I approached every day with a smile on my face and with the hope that all will be okay. The smallest things can really keep people going each and every day.

Follow Your Path

I always knew this, but this really settled with me after graduation. It may seem like everyone is moving ahead of you, but you must remember that your life has its own path. Everything will work out and play out the way it’s supposed to. When everything starts to come your way, you’ll start to see everything fall into place.

Love Your Mistakes

Now being 23, I’m appreciating my freedom and independence more than ever. I have made many mistakes this year, but I learned to be okay with them. That’s what your 20’s is all about. You’re learning how this whole being an adult thing works, but it’s going to be a great adventure. Have fun, make mistakes and do what makes you happy.

While these are only a few things I’ve learned, I’m looking forward to keeping these lessons in mind as we head into 2018. With that being said, it’s a new year and its time for new goals. That I’ll share with you once we start the new year. 2018 is going to be another year to grow, to hustle and to continue figuring out this adulthood stuff. I’m in for the ride.

Happy New Year! 

5 Big Lessons I Learned at 22

I don’t know about you, but I’m no longer 22. This was hands down one of the most challenging, exciting, fun, memorable, and successful years I’ve had so far. While I dislike odd numbers, I’m happy to move on to 23 and to continue the unknown path of life. With that being said, I learned a lot at 22 that will follow me until I die. While I could be clever and cliché and list 22 lessons I’ve learned, I’m sticking it to the top 5 that I will remember each and everyday.

You Will Always Be Criticized

I learned this closer to the end of my run as 22 when I didn’t expect to hear someone basically downgrade a success of mine, but also I felt this was a lesson I was preparing to realize all along. You can do the right thing, the wrong thing, put in the hardest work ever and someone will always find something to criticize you about. Being the emotional person I can be, it can hurt, but I realized I don’t have time for that. The more negative energy you let in, the less you’ll grow. As long as you know you worked your ass off, then that’s all that matters.

Screw 5 Year Plans

I’m serious. I graduated at 22 with a BA in Creative Writing with minors in Marketing and Communications and while I have an idea of the career and the life I want, I don’t have a damn clue where I’ll be in 5 years. I’d like to think I would be in my career, living on my own, potentially seeing someone, but I won’t plan it. I refuse to sit here and write down what I should be doing in the next 5 years and how to do it. Yes, I do think sometimes these plans can work for little things like a fitness journey or finances, BUT I do not think you should use this as a tool to guide your path. Live on the edge, go where life takes you and discover your true passion.

Being Alone is Amazing

I used to not like being alone, but then I realized how much I learn about myself when I am alone. Being able to think, breathe and focus on myself without the influence of others around me is fantastic. Being able to do what I want, when I want and not have to report to anyone is really such a freedom you need to enjoy while you’re young. I’m a huge believer that your 20’s should be the time for you to be on your own and to not listen to what others say. Think about it, your entire life up until this point has been dictated by your family, school, friends, etc. It’s time for you to take the wheel and guide yourself.

Your Passion Comes First

People might disagree, but I believe you should chase your passion. My mother told me that she wanted to actually be a dancer, travel the world and choreograph. She was talented. My family always told me she had what it took to become a famous dancer, but my grandfather told her she needed to pick a stable career to support herself and the family she wished to have. Ever since, my mother raised my brother and I to always go after our dreams no matter what it may be. She has always supported my passions unlike anyone else has. You don’t want to be stuck doing something you don’t love. Your life is too short and precious to spend being miserable. Remember, while society and the people you care about may think your passion is crazy and unattainable, as long as you know you can do it then that is what matters.

Embrace Change

Change is hard for many people including myself. However, during 22 I found that with a glass of wine and a nice bath I can handle it. I’ve witnessed a lot of change during this year specifically - a change in friendships, environments, life paths, etc. However, I knew every change happens for a reason. There is a reason for everything believe it or not. Sometimes you won’t know the reason, but if you have trust in the change you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Overall, 22 was the most magical year of my life. It’s the one year I actually will look back on and smile about. It’s the year where I grew into myself and realized more than I’ve ever expected. Now, it’s my Jordan Year. I’m 23, unbothered, focused, cruising, and most of all happy.

From Being Called Anorexic to Fat: Embracing My Size

This is a different tone compared to my normal writing pieces. Recently, I’ve heard a lot of stories of women who talk about people calling them fat or too skinny or simply ugly because of their size. For many women, this can trigger a lot of emotions. It can even sometimes lead to them feeling more self-conscious and getting involved in unhealthy habits such as binge eating, starvation, etc. So today, I’m sharing my story which I don’t really discuss often. Not because I don’t want to share, but because I’ve grown above the hate and criticism ever since I was little and have been able to simply love me no matter my weight.

When I was 5 years-old, I was pretty skinny. I was almost like a twig to most people. My mother told me when I was older that while out with her or my grandmother, some people asked or even make an assumption that I was anorexic or bulimic because of how I appeared. However, in reality I LOVED food! I still do! I would eat my own meal and also eat some of my mother’s or grandmother’s food. I would eat so much all the time and was healthy to my doctor, but to society I was declared someone who had an eating disorder or simply wasn’t being fed. Then things got worse 5 years later when my father poked my belly and called me fat. The quick change from being skinny to fat was insane. I still don't know how I was able to handle hearing that at the age of 10. What made this hurt the most was that it was coming from my own father. Our relationship has always been rocky, but this certainly left a scar.

Fast forward to middle school, I gained a lot of weight, and I think this was triggered mainly because of my bullying days. I was bullied by a few girls in my class and it tore me up completely on the inside. I was so conscious about what people thought, constantly feeling like I was being talked about or stared at. I was laughed at, made fun of, and when I look back now it still hurts just a little bit. All of this caused me to binge eat and sink into constant sadness. I would come home from school and cry. My school work was less of a priority and I didn’t get enough sleep. Everything was a mess. It was also during this time I found comfort in YouTube and writing. Eventually, I did stand up to my bullies and cut most ties with my peers.  

Once I left middle school, I went to a high school in a new neighborhood and away from all the people who brought me down. I made friends, found happiness in my passion for the arts, and actually excelled in my academics. My weight had mainly stayed the same since middle school, but I was healthy. I was eating right and I was very active in clubs at my school. I wasn’t in a place of sadness anymore and that to me was really important. I felt good and in my opinion looked good. My confidence level blew up and I saw it clearly. I put effort into how I dressed and even how I did my makeup each day. I began to care about myself and learned the importance of self love. By the end of high school, I loved myself completely. Even though when I look back now at some photos I cringe at my poses and outfits, I still see a teenager who loved herself and didn’t care what others thought.

Then came college, a place where health is crucial. Not only is the Freshman 15 hanging over your head, but there’s also the cheap eats and constant drinking. In my freshman year, I was able to find time to balance my academics, being with friends, going to the gym almost every day and eating decently. I realized how healthy I was that year when I ran from one far building to another in less than a minute and wasn’t coughing or out of breath. I felt so good for the first time about my health.

I gained a lot of weight during my last three years. I went through some rough patches that put me back into that middle school funk I had ages ago and found myself lonelier than ever, which also lead to eating unhealthy. Eventually, everything got better, but my weight didn’t. The combination of my lack of sleep, fast food grabs, and drinking caused me to go gain more weight. It was to a point where I was actually disappointed in allowing myself to get to this point.

However, despite everything with my weight from the time I was little to now, I always embraced it. A big part of why I love my size and how I look in general comes down to how I brought myself up. I feel fierce as hell when I wear my best outfit and my winged liner is up to the gods. I love changing up my hair and also taking a ton of selfies. I love my booty and my big thighs. I love the scar on my right hand. I look at my “imperfections”, but see it as beauty. I simply learned that there is nothing wrong with me or us as humans when it comes to our looks. It is simply what society and other people say or create as a standard and it really has an affect on us. Once you don’t give a damn about society’s expectations, you’ll realize how much more free you’ll feel and, of course, how much you love yourself.

Today, I’m back on a health journey. I go to the gym, eat healthier and keep track of my health goals. I don’t weigh myself because honestly I find it more empowering to watch the transformation rather than keep chasing a number. In the first two months out of school, I already feel so much better. I didn’t feel as gross and low energy as normal. I felt as if I could do anything for the first time in a long time. Self-care comes a long way.

So what’s the lesson of this story? For me, it was that life is going to throw you some intense obstacles that can try to bring you down and society will keep trying to tell you what to do with your body and life. However, if you stay true to you and learn to put yourself first, you can find happiness beyond the criticisms of the world.