5 Big Lessons I Learned at 22

I don’t know about you, but I’m no longer 22. This was hands down one of the most challenging, exciting, fun, memorable, and successful years I’ve had so far. While I dislike odd numbers, I’m happy to move on to 23 and to continue the unknown path of life. With that being said, I learned a lot at 22 that will follow me until I die. While I could be clever and cliché and list 22 lessons I’ve learned, I’m sticking it to the top 5 that I will remember each and everyday.

You Will Always Be Criticized

I learned this closer to the end of my run as 22 when I didn’t expect to hear someone basically downgrade a success of mine, but also I felt this was a lesson I was preparing to realize all along. You can do the right thing, the wrong thing, put in the hardest work ever and someone will always find something to criticize you about. Being the emotional person I can be, it can hurt, but I realized I don’t have time for that. The more negative energy you let in, the less you’ll grow. As long as you know you worked your ass off, then that’s all that matters.

Screw 5 Year Plans

I’m serious. I graduated at 22 with a BA in Creative Writing with minors in Marketing and Communications and while I have an idea of the career and the life I want, I don’t have a damn clue where I’ll be in 5 years. I’d like to think I would be in my career, living on my own, potentially seeing someone, but I won’t plan it. I refuse to sit here and write down what I should be doing in the next 5 years and how to do it. Yes, I do think sometimes these plans can work for little things like a fitness journey or finances, BUT I do not think you should use this as a tool to guide your path. Live on the edge, go where life takes you and discover your true passion.

Being Alone is Amazing

I used to not like being alone, but then I realized how much I learn about myself when I am alone. Being able to think, breathe and focus on myself without the influence of others around me is fantastic. Being able to do what I want, when I want and not have to report to anyone is really such a freedom you need to enjoy while you’re young. I’m a huge believer that your 20’s should be the time for you to be on your own and to not listen to what others say. Think about it, your entire life up until this point has been dictated by your family, school, friends, etc. It’s time for you to take the wheel and guide yourself.

Your Passion Comes First

People might disagree, but I believe you should chase your passion. My mother told me that she wanted to actually be a dancer, travel the world and choreograph. She was talented. My family always told me she had what it took to become a famous dancer, but my grandfather told her she needed to pick a stable career to support herself and the family she wished to have. Ever since, my mother raised my brother and I to always go after our dreams no matter what it may be. She has always supported my passions unlike anyone else has. You don’t want to be stuck doing something you don’t love. Your life is too short and precious to spend being miserable. Remember, while society and the people you care about may think your passion is crazy and unattainable, as long as you know you can do it then that is what matters.

Embrace Change

Change is hard for many people including myself. However, during 22 I found that with a glass of wine and a nice bath I can handle it. I’ve witnessed a lot of change during this year specifically - a change in friendships, environments, life paths, etc. However, I knew every change happens for a reason. There is a reason for everything believe it or not. Sometimes you won’t know the reason, but if you have trust in the change you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Overall, 22 was the most magical year of my life. It’s the one year I actually will look back on and smile about. It’s the year where I grew into myself and realized more than I’ve ever expected. Now, it’s my Jordan Year. I’m 23, unbothered, focused, cruising, and most of all happy.

From Being Called Anorexic to Fat: Embracing My Size

This is a different tone compared to my normal writing pieces. Recently, I’ve heard a lot of stories of women who talk about people calling them fat or too skinny or simply ugly because of their size. For many women, this can trigger a lot of emotions. It can even sometimes lead to them feeling more self-conscious and getting involved in unhealthy habits such as binge eating, starvation, etc. So today, I’m sharing my story which I don’t really discuss often. Not because I don’t want to share, but because I’ve grown above the hate and criticism ever since I was little and have been able to simply love me no matter my weight.

When I was 5 years-old, I was pretty skinny. I was almost like a twig to most people. My mother told me when I was older that while out with her or my grandmother, some people asked or even make an assumption that I was anorexic or bulimic because of how I appeared. However, in reality I LOVED food! I still do! I would eat my own meal and also eat some of my mother’s or grandmother’s food. I would eat so much all the time and was healthy to my doctor, but to society I was declared someone who had an eating disorder or simply wasn’t being fed. Then things got worse 5 years later when my father poked my belly and called me fat. The quick change from being skinny to fat was insane. I still don't know how I was able to handle hearing that at the age of 10. What made this hurt the most was that it was coming from my own father. Our relationship has always been rocky, but this certainly left a scar.

Fast forward to middle school, I gained a lot of weight, and I think this was triggered mainly because of my bullying days. I was bullied by a few girls in my class and it tore me up completely on the inside. I was so conscious about what people thought, constantly feeling like I was being talked about or stared at. I was laughed at, made fun of, and when I look back now it still hurts just a little bit. All of this caused me to binge eat and sink into constant sadness. I would come home from school and cry. My school work was less of a priority and I didn’t get enough sleep. Everything was a mess. It was also during this time I found comfort in YouTube and writing. Eventually, I did stand up to my bullies and cut most ties with my peers.  

Once I left middle school, I went to a high school in a new neighborhood and away from all the people who brought me down. I made friends, found happiness in my passion for the arts, and actually excelled in my academics. My weight had mainly stayed the same since middle school, but I was healthy. I was eating right and I was very active in clubs at my school. I wasn’t in a place of sadness anymore and that to me was really important. I felt good and in my opinion looked good. My confidence level blew up and I saw it clearly. I put effort into how I dressed and even how I did my makeup each day. I began to care about myself and learned the importance of self love. By the end of high school, I loved myself completely. Even though when I look back now at some photos I cringe at my poses and outfits, I still see a teenager who loved herself and didn’t care what others thought.

Then came college, a place where health is crucial. Not only is the Freshman 15 hanging over your head, but there’s also the cheap eats and constant drinking. In my freshman year, I was able to find time to balance my academics, being with friends, going to the gym almost every day and eating decently. I realized how healthy I was that year when I ran from one far building to another in less than a minute and wasn’t coughing or out of breath. I felt so good for the first time about my health.

I gained a lot of weight during my last three years. I went through some rough patches that put me back into that middle school funk I had ages ago and found myself lonelier than ever, which also lead to eating unhealthy. Eventually, everything got better, but my weight didn’t. The combination of my lack of sleep, fast food grabs, and drinking caused me to go gain more weight. It was to a point where I was actually disappointed in allowing myself to get to this point.

However, despite everything with my weight from the time I was little to now, I always embraced it. A big part of why I love my size and how I look in general comes down to how I brought myself up. I feel fierce as hell when I wear my best outfit and my winged liner is up to the gods. I love changing up my hair and also taking a ton of selfies. I love my booty and my big thighs. I love the scar on my right hand. I look at my “imperfections”, but see it as beauty. I simply learned that there is nothing wrong with me or us as humans when it comes to our looks. It is simply what society and other people say or create as a standard and it really has an affect on us. Once you don’t give a damn about society’s expectations, you’ll realize how much more free you’ll feel and, of course, how much you love yourself.

Today, I’m back on a health journey. I go to the gym, eat healthier and keep track of my health goals. I don’t weigh myself because honestly I find it more empowering to watch the transformation rather than keep chasing a number. In the first two months out of school, I already feel so much better. I didn’t feel as gross and low energy as normal. I felt as if I could do anything for the first time in a long time. Self-care comes a long way.

So what’s the lesson of this story? For me, it was that life is going to throw you some intense obstacles that can try to bring you down and society will keep trying to tell you what to do with your body and life. However, if you stay true to you and learn to put yourself first, you can find happiness beyond the criticisms of the world.

10 Lessons I Learned at Her Conference 2017

If you’re someone interested in writing, marketing, communications, broadcasting or anything along those lines, Her Conference is a great two-day packed event you should look into. This is my third Her Conference and every year it gets better and better. From the line up of speakers to the giveaways, you’ll be sure to have a blast and to leave with some new connections.

If you missed Her Conference this year, don’t worry. It’ll be back next year, but here are 15 important lessons I learned from the conference that I think everyone should know.

Take a Risk

I already knew this, but I never realized how important taking a risk is especially when it comes to working or wanting your dream career. We can hold back a lot not only in our personal lives, but in our work place. You may be scared to apply for that internship that you don’t feel you’re qualified for, but how would you know if you didn’t take that risk? Take a leap and you’ll be surprised by where you land.

“Yes, I can!” Attitude

This falls into taking a risk as well. We don’t know everything, and we, as humans, should keep learning. This means that when you find yourself with the opportunity to apply for a new job that isn’t necessarily your focus or in a situation where someone is asking you to do something you’ve never done before, take that chance and say yes! Why? You can teach yourself something new and learn along the way. You’d be surprised by how impressed people are by those who take on the challenge of learning something new just because they want it.

Planning is Key

To all my bloggers and creators out there, you may be questioning what you’re doing wrong when it comes to your brand. You may feel as if it’s not going anywhere. Your initial launch is key, which means planning is key. You can’t launch something or just dive into something without a plan. This is why planners and those amazing apps that help keep you on your “A” game come into play. If you’re planned out in advance, you’ll feel more confident in your brand development and you can see how things play out.

Start Anywhere

We all have a dream job. Trust me, so do I, but not everyone is lucky enough to achieve their dream job right away. It sometimes takes years to do so. You may find yourself searching

LinkedIn for new job listings that are what YOU want, but the truth is when you’re fresh out of college you won’t get that job right away. This is why it’s important to continuously work on yourself and your skills. Take the job you can get for right now even if it’s at a small office and not really exciting. Building your skills, resume, and demonstrating that you’re flexible in different areas can give you a boost in the future.

Don’t Always Do It Alone

I use to not like asking for help and sometimes I still struggle to, but asking for help is never a bad idea. Surrounding yourself with others who want to help lift you up and encourage your success is key. Not only should we ask for help, but we should also be there to help others as well.

Be Intentional

Be sure whatever you do is with intention. Focus on what you care about, the story you want to tell, and what pulls at your heart. This will change your point of view in life.

Be You

Make sure you’re sticking to your beliefs, staying true, and being authentic. This applies to everything including starting your own business or brand. Don’t measure yourself to someone else! People want to see you for you and, while some people may not like you or what you stand for, there are people who will and they will support you in doing so.

Work Hard, but Play Nice

Work hard for what you love and what you’re passionate about, always. However, be polite and kind to others. This may be hard at times because girl....I know sometimes people can be rude or mean especially in the big city, but try.

Live a Life, Not Curate a Life

We can get sucked into social media and try to portray ourselves to be something we’re not. Take a step away from the phone and go out and live your life. Human interaction is key and you can’t do that by sitting behind your phone and trying to build a life when you can actually be living it.

Network, Network, Network

Knowing people who aren’t even in your field can really be helpful. You never know when you may need their help. Not everyone is good at networking these days, but take little steps into working on it. Attending Her Conference is a great first step for that!

I learned probably 50 more things from this conference, but I think it’s time for you to go to learn it. Check out HerCampus.com and be sure to attend Her Conference next year!